On today’s edition of THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW (syndicated, check local listings), Rosie O’Donnell announced that she would be taking part in an upcoming episode of the popular Fine Living Network (FLN) series, WHATEVER, MARTHA!, which was greenlit today for an additional 26 episodes. Rosie declared, “I want to do a few full episodes because I want to get to the bottom of you and Alexis. Then I want to have Dr. Phil come on and we can do a whole family therapy thing.”
Rosie on getting ready back stage:
MS: I saw them powdering your cleavage backstage.
RO: It’s always fun. They were powdering and I’m wearing SPANX so it’s very hard to know where to put the mic pack, because basically, from my toes to right under my boobs, is one piece of solid Lycra.
MS: How do you breathe?
RO: I can’t. In fact, I’m having very bad gas – fair warning.
Rosie on her height:
RO: [Sitting down] Look how much taller I am than you.
MS: I know!
RO: It’s because I have a very long torso.
MS: I need a couple of telephone books please.
RO: When my family would go to church when we were little, everybody would think, ‘oh, my god – they’re giants.’ And then we’d stand up and we’re pretty much the same height standing as we are sitting because I’ve got a 24 inch inseam…
MS: Mine’s like 40 [inches].
RO: Well, you’re a supermodel.
Martha on WHATEVER, MARTHA! on FLN:
MS: They’ll [Alexis and Jennifer] just make fun of anything, and that’s the whole idea of their show [WHATEVER, MARTHA!].
RO: Which I love. Do you watch it?
MS: Yes, I love it!
RO: Do you ever mind that the girls make fun of you on their show?
MS: The TV is edited. That’s a good show, but the radio – that’s another story. Sometimes it gets a little hairy, even for mom. Sometimes when I’m in the car with a driver, I have to turn it off.
RO: Really?
AS: And when you leave, they turn it back on.
MS: I want to just announce, because this is a big announcement…
RO: Can I announce it?
MS: Yeah, go ahead!
RO: It’s good news for all our WHATEVER, MARTHA! fans. The show has been so popular that Alexis and Jennifer are going back into production with 26 all new episodes for the Fine Living Network. You’ve been picked up ladies! Tune in, because that show, I watch in my bed, and I laugh so hard I need a Depends under garment.
Martha on Alexis’ pet pig:
RO: We’re like Charlie’s Angels.
MS: Alexis has never watched Charlie’s Angels.
AS: I wasn’t allowed to.
RO: You didn’t let her watch TV?
MS: No, no – we had other things to do.
AS: I had to ask…and then there was the look of disapproval.
RO: I’ve seen that look. You used to make her weed the gardens a lot, she told me.
MS: Weed, take care of the chicken coop, the geese…one year we had a pig.
AS: We never had a pig. Unbelievable! We never had a pig.
RO: There was no pig?
MS: She doesn’t remember that we had a pig and it was at Dottie Lays house.
AS: It was at someone else’s house?!
MS: That’s okay – it’s still our pig.
RO: Why did you keep a pig at Dottie Lays?
MS: Because Dottie Lays had a pig pen.
RO: Who is Dottie Lays? Does Dottie still have the pig?
JKH: No, they ate it.
MS: It made the best prosciutto, and Alexis actually ate it when she was not a vegetarian…and you liked it.
RO: You had a pet pig and you made your daughter eat it?!
AS: All I remember is goats and horses.
RO: I think we should all go to family therapy. All of us – because there’s a lot of stuff that you remember that I don’t think happened, Martha. I’d like to come back on the show with us and Dottie Lays.
AS: I wouldn’t.
RO: I’d like to see Dottie Lays eat some Frito Lays!
Rosie on Donald Trump:
AS: Jennifer just said the F word on television.
JKH: I did not say anything. I said ‘freak.’
RO: Do you know what the F word is in our house?
JKH: Freak!
RO: Fat. Do you remember when that billionaire was making fun of me? We don’t say his name – he’s like Lord Baltimore – we just ignore him. My little daughter said, ‘What is that guy saying about you?’ I said, ‘Oh, I made fun of his hair, so now he says that I’m fat and ugly,’ and she looks at me and she goes, ‘Mama, you are not ugly!’
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