Celebrity Mound

On today’s St. Patrick’s Day edition of THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW (Hallmark Channel, 10 AM ET/9 AM C – same day encore airing, 2 PM ET/next day airing, 1 PM ET), Saturday Night Live veteran returned to Martha’s kitchen to celebrate his Irish roots. Donning the customary green, Colin reminisced about his visit same time last year when “some rebel had to come dressed in black” when the entire audience was asked to wear green. During the hysterical segment, Martha tested Colin on his knowledge of Irish cuisine, asking him if he had ever heard of a “banger.” Proving he could be serious about his food, Colin proclaimed “Don’t set me up like that. Sausage.” But when asked why it was called Banger, Colin couldn’t resist stating the obvious, “I mean, I could take an educated guess.” Martha quickly realized where this was going, “It’s not dirty! It’s not…this is a family show!”

ON BAGPIPES:

CQ: I don’t want to be Major Bloomberg and stereotype the Irish or anything but you notice it’s the only instrument that’s kind of like taking a breathalyzer as you play it.

MS: (laughs) I don’t know anything about that Colin.

ON THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING IRISH:

MS: What is the best thing about being Irish?

CQ: I think the fact that by the time we’re 12 it’s really over physically for us. We’re the most beautiful kids, let’s be honest, Irish kids are the most beautiful kids, but after the age of 14, it just all falls apart.

MS: The most beautiful babies, right? Rosy cheeks. Where’s your rosy cheeks?

CQ: I have Rosacea cheeks right now.

MS: And what’s the worst thing about being Irish?

CQ: Well it used to be the food but now we’ve changed that in the past years with the Celtic Tiger. Now the Irish are known for their food.

ON IRISH BANGERS:

MS: Do you know what a banger is?

CQ: Sure, I do. Don’t set me up like that. Sausage.

MS: Do you know why it was called a banger?

CQ: I mean, I could take an educated guess.

MS: It’s not dirty! It’s not. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

CQ: I wouldn’t be a comedian if…

MS: You can keep going, this is a family show.

ON TMSS STORY IN COLIN’S HBO SPECIAL, COLIN QUINN LONG STORY SHORT:

MS: So in Long Story Short, do you have any of our show in there?

CQ: I did have a thing on the show, yes, about last year’s incident when we did the St. Patrick’s Day Show and somebody was wearing black in the audience and at the time –

MS: Oh how awful.

CQ: I know. It drove you nuts, I remember. You were like “Colin, somebody’s wearing black. I told everybody to wear green. Some rebel had to come dressed in black.” And at the time I thought Martha’s just being too serious about it and then I realized I do get mad, I actually get mad when people don’t wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. I feel like they’re trying to be rebellious and I don’t like that.

MS: Look at that guy right there (points at cameraman). Look at that guy. What the heck?

CQ: What is that, a statement?

MS: He got a notice. He got a notice he was supposed to wear green. And he didn’t even put on anything green. Any green underpants at least? I bet not.

CQ: I feel like it’s a direct stab. I feel like people are doing it aggressively.

MS: It is. It’s aggressive behavior.

Willie Geist, host of MSNBC’s “Way Too Early” and co-host of “Morning Joe”, stopped by today’s edition of THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW (Hallmark Channel, 10 AM ET/9 AM C – same day encore airing, 2 PM ET/next day airing, 1 PM ET) to chat Charlie Sheen, crafting and pet fashion shows with Martha.

Quite a bit of laughter broke out amongst Martha, the audience and set members when Willie chatted about some confusion backstage involving him and a dog! He told Martha he thought people were “whistling at me and bringing out little costumes on hangers. It took me a little while. I’m a little slow.” Martha assured him it was a dog, from a pet fashion-show segment, they were referring to and told Willie, “We don’t have a jacket that will fit you, Willie!”

ON CHARLIE SHEEN:

MS: I really like your show. And on the morning show you give the news that you can’t use also. What was the most recent thing? What did you talk about today?

WG: Well, I hate to say it but we did talk about Charlie Sheen… for 3 minutes at the end of the hour we do “News you can’t use.” We identify it as news that has no redeeming value whatsoever and I think Charlie Sheen probably falls in that category. You’ll be interested to know, Martha, he’s now asking for an intern. He’s gone out and he’s soliciting any of you college women…

MS: A pretty girl?

WG: He wants to bring a young college student in and really teach her the ropes of the world [laughter]… to work at the right hand of Charlie Sheen. What college experience that is!

MS: Well, he shouldn’t be a cheap-skate. He should spend all his money re-creating himself.

WG: Well he’s going to have to do something. He’s out of a job.

The always hilarious Kevin Nealon paid Martha some lip service just in time for Valentine’s Day on the special “Kissing Show” edition of The Martha Stewart Show (Hallmark Channel, 10 AM ET/9 AM C – same day encore airing, 2 PM ET/next day repeat, 1 PM ET). During an entire hour dedicated to everything kiss-related, Kevin stopped by to plant a big one on Martha and prepare Kissable Ice Cream Sandwiches. While baking, Kevin talked about his first kiss when he “was 35” which he described as “very sloppy.” “It was with my dog. And it was just all tongue.” All this talk and no action had Martha questioning Kevin’s multitasking skills but he couldn’t help but give Martha some lip asking, “And how much am I getting paid an hour for this?”

ON KEVIN’S FIRST KISS:

MS: Tell everyone the story of your first kiss. Do you remember?

KN: Uh, my first kiss. It was a very sloppy kiss. It was with my dog. And it was just all tongue. I said no tongue! No tongue… but my first real kiss. I was in a hay-ride and I was very nervous about kissing the girl.

MS: How old were you?

KN: I was 35. No, I was probably about 15 or 16.

MS: You were a late bloomer!

KN: The hay-ride was almost over and I was nervous. I knew I had to make my move. Finally I went in for the kiss. I was so nervous and I just closed my eyes and I was kissing her saying “this isn’t so bad.” And then I felt something weird in my mouth and I didn’t realize I was kissing her eye. I had my eyes closed and her eyelashes were fluttering and I thought she had a mustache but it was her eyebrow! And I thought, I didn’t see this mustache before? I was so embarrassed afterwards. And then I saw her two weeks later and she had a patch on her eye.

ON KEVIN’S CHARACTER IN JUST GO WITH IT & HIS PLASTIC SURGERY:

MS: So did you base that character on anybody in particular?

KN: It was kind of a combination of a few different people…Kenny Rogers, Joan Rivers, Wayne Newton, ya know. But I had to sit in the make-up chair for three hours to get that done, and for five different days, so it would have been more convenient if I actually had the plastic surgery done and not have to go through all of the make up.

MS: No, you look better in real life.

KN: Well thank you very much. I’ve had a lot of work done.

ON PREPARING LIP COOKIES:

KN: I can’t believe I’m making lip cookies with Martha Stewart.

KN: Ya know, I used to make donuts at Dunkin Donuts, for two weeks.

MS: Really? You did? How fabulous!

KN: I made Krispy Cream donuts at Dunkin Donuts. I mixed it up a little bit.

MS: They don’t let you do that!

KN: Now I’m touching it with my fingers, that are unwashed… so just remember this one is mine.

MS: [GASP]… that’s not good [pointing to Kevin’s lip mold].

KN: No, no, this is the lip of a guy who was in a fight!

MS: That looks like my lip last week after my dog head-butted me. Oh brother! Have you ever been head-butted on your mouth? By a dog? Not by a person, by a dog!

KN: No I can’t say that I have.

MARTHA ON KEVIN’S LACK OF MULTI-TASKING SKILLS:

KN: Well I’m going to be doing two things at once now…

MS: Now use your little cookie cutter. And we can’t talk too much. I mean, you can talk while you work, but you can’t talk and not work!

KN: Oh, I see. And how much am I getting paid an hour?

MS: You’re getting a lot!

Coming a long way from Beverly Hills, 90210, the always charming, Luke Perry “mashed” things up on today’s edition of The Martha Stewart Show (Hallmark Channel, 10 AM ET/9 AM C – same day encore airing, 2 PM ET/next day repeat, 1 PM ET).

Luke chatted about his upcoming Hallmark Channel Western, “Goodnight for Justice”, premiering on Saturday, January 29th at 8PM ET/PT. After Martha realized just how charming Luke was, stating, “I didn’t know if you were charming or not when you first showed up but you ARE charming.” It was all laughs from there. Luke even impressed Martha with his cooking skills. Although the mashing tool he used for the potatoes wasn’t the most efficient, he assured Martha and the audience, “It’s not the size of the masher, it’s how you use it!” Alrighty!

Here are some highlights from the visit:

ON LUKE’S CHARM:
MS: I’m back with the charming Luke Perry and he’s become charming. I didn’t know if you were charming or not when you first showed up but you ARE charming!
LP: Uhhh, if you say so!
MS: You are charming!

ON MASHING THE POTATOES
MS: We’re going to make mashed potatoes to go with the pork…. YOU can mash! There’s the masher.
LP: Yeah!
MS: This is a very small masher. Do we have a bigger masher [asking the kitchen staff]?
LP: It’s not the size of the masher, it’s how you use it!
MS: Haha. Yeah. Alrighty!
LP: You just need to be effective and thorough.
MS: Yes! You can try that one, a bigger one.
LP: We’re doing fine with this.

ON LUKE BEING A FLIRT:
MS: So, you were voted, we did a little research on this guy. Keep mashing. Don’t stop!
LP: I’m mashing! Getting my work-out up here. Cranking and mashing.
MS: You were voted biggest flirt. Were you?
LP: There were only like three girls in my school. It wasn’t that hard. I flirted with all of them and they called it!

ON LUKE’S COOKING SKILLS:
MS:…keep going. Are you getting tired?
LP: Not at all. Notice how I’m rotating the bowl?
MS: Yeah. Fantastic! Did someone tell you to do that or you just do that naturally?
LP: No. This is how you do concrete. You gotta do the same thing! You gotta keep it moving around…
MS: I’m telling you- he could have a really good mans cooking show. You are going to invade Emeril’s territory.
LP: I think he’s safe…for now.

ON LUKE’S HOBBIES:
MS: When you’re off camera, what do you do? Do you have any hobbies?
LP: I’ve been getting back to the wood-working lately.
MS: So you’re a wood-worker? Ahhhh! We just had a wood working show last week. If I would have known I would have invited YOU!
LP: Who books these things?! Somebody, call me!

Actress, fitness guru and wife to “the sexiest man alive,” Trudie Styler, stopped by THE MARTHA STEWART SHOW (Hallmark Channel, 10 AM ET/9 AM C – same day encore airing, 2 PM ET/next day repeat, 1 PM ET) to demonstrate some exercises from her new “Power Sculpt” DVD. Trudie is no stranger to the show appearing multiple times a season and as Martha told the audience, “We love having Trudie on the show, if only to touch her, because she’s been touched by Sting!” Martha and Trudie also chatted about the very sexy and “spicy” spread of Trudie and Sting in this month’s issue of Harper’s Bazaar. Divulging how they keep that fire burning after 30 years of being together Trudie explained, “We love each other, but we [also] LIKE each other.”

ON STING:
MS: So, You look great. Welcome back to the show. We LOVE to have Trudie on, if only to touch her, because she’s been touched by Sting.

ON TRUDIE AND STING’S MARRIAGE AND THEIR SPREAD IN HARPER’S BAZAAR:
MS: There is a fabulous new Harpers Bazaar. There is a story that you’ve never seen Trudie or Sting quite look like this before. Can I show these pictures?
TS: You may, she said blushingly.
MS: They’re a little risky. Sting and Trudie, after almost 30 years together, one of rock’s most favorite couples, isn’t afraid to spice things up. So there is Trudie in her little Asian dress, sitting on guess who’s lap? Pretty fancy! They get better… and Sting enjoys this, doesn’t he?
TS: He looks like he is having a good time!
MS: An exhibitionist! My god… beautiful couple… I mean everyone is so envious. How do you deal with that?
TS: Deal with what?
MS: Our envy! We’re all envious. We want Sting too!
TS: Well, I feel blessed, is the answer to that. He’s a wonderful husband and he’s a great friend… These pictures are in the New York Post today as well…look, we love each other but we LIKE each other too. And after 30 years of being together, to really like each other and to laugh at each other’s jokes and to really have our thing… I feel blessed and fortunate that that’s happened.

Photo Credit: David Steele/The Martha Stewart Show